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Miles ([personal profile] loki_of_sassgaard) wrote2016-04-01 04:16 am
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Norwegian Redneck Theatre

My aunt called me a couple hours ago, telling me that her car broke down, and she couldn’t get it home, so could she have it towed to my place.  So, I’m thinking, wow, tow trucks must really be expensive, because she only lives 15 minutes away, but sure.  If you think you can get it into my carport in the alley, you can park it here.  Maybe tow trucks cost extra on the highway?  What the hell do I know?  I don’t drive.

She’s never been here before, so I went to go stand outside to wave her down.  Then, while I was waiting for her, I realised I need to go take my mountain of pills, so I came in to do that, and heated up some stroganoff to have with them.  And she still wasn’t here, so I took my dinner outside to go eat it while I waited.

And then, I saw it.  There was no tow truck.  It was my grandfather’s pickup, slowly inching its massive weight around the corner, with my aunt’s car behind it on a chain, going WHUMP CLUNK WHUMP.  And I’m watching this, absolutely aghast, as she rolls down the window to the pickup and leans out, shouting for me to go meet them in the alley.  Not sure how to argue with that, I took my dinner downstairs and stood in the alley, pointing to the two empty spaces in the carport, making it very clear that they have to park in #6, becausee #5 will get angry at us if we take her spot.  So, they CLUNK WHMP CLUNKed their way down the alley, and stopped just outside of my space.

And that’s when it began.  They needed to get into the engine, so my uncle went to open the hood, and… nothing.  All that CLUNKING and WHUMPING as the car was being pulled it ways it was never meant to be pulled twisted the latch, and the hood was stuck closed.  I’m standing, trying to tell my aunt about all the fun medical testing I’ve got to look forward to, and what it may mean for me in the long term, while my uncle and my grandfather have come up with a 2×4, a broom handle, and a tire iron, which they are using to beat the holy living hell out of the car.  Somehow, this managed to work, and they got into the engine, only they seemed to have forgotten about whatever it was they were doing in there in the first place, because now priority number one was fixing the latch.  Which the just beat up with the same 2×4, broom handle, and tire iron.  Eventually, the problem was solved by my uncle just putting the 2×4 down so the hood couldn’t latch.

Now, we had to get the car into Robin Hood’s parking space, and it’s lucky he’s at work right now, and that the space is empty.  So, they put me behind the wheel, and they all decided to push it into the spot, only… there’s a little hill, just steep enough to keep you from pushing your car into the carport.  I hadn’t even noticed it before, but it’s definitely there.

So, then what?  Well, my uncle looked at the situation, and decided that, yes.  Let’s put the chain on the BACK of the car, and then tow it in a parallel fashion, using #5’s empty spot, into my spot.  I took video of this shit, because idk, I felt like videotaping someone getting horrendously killed, I guess (nobody actually got killed, which is kind of surprising).

See?  Bad.

And after all that, we finally got it in, and still had to push the rest of the way, since the truck wouldn’t go far enough into the space.  And because they spent so much time trying to start a car that wouldn’t start, the battery was dead, and by now it was getting dark, so they needed to jump the car to turn on the light so they could get all their stuff. And then, with it all loaded into Grandpa’s truck, and Grandpa back out in the alley, my uncle decided that maybe we should push the car out a little bit, since it was right on the line, and might annoy #5.  With, with a nose that low, we were trying to push from the front, and utterly failing, and my uncle was pissed off because we were laughing at how much the car was just not going to move.  So of course, he puts his foot out, and manages to push the car back on his own, which just annoyed him even more.  And then, as he was getting out, he went to hit the locks, and… the battery was dead again.  So Grandpa had to get that massive damn truck back into the carport to give my uncle a second jump.  While that was going on, I finally asked what was actually wrong with the car, and what the plan for tomorrow is.

It’s either the fuel filter, in which case, fine.  They’ll be out of here in ten minutes, and I won’t even realise they were here at all.  Or, it’s the fuel pump, in which case they will be here all day, so I’ll probably wind up buying them lunch or something.

So, that was my evening.

Crossposted from WordPress. http://ift.tt/1q7Vstf
hokuton_punch: A screenshot of Izuru Kira from Bleach looking panicked, captioned "NOT AS PLANNED." (bleach kira not as planned)

[personal profile] hokuton_punch 2016-04-02 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
... that was a wild ride from start to finish! o.O