loki_of_sassgaard: (Default)
Miles ([personal profile] loki_of_sassgaard) wrote2016-05-11 05:44 pm
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I’m still here

Just haven’t really been posting much again.  I need to get back into the habit of it.

I had the sort of dream last night where I’m pretty sure my subconscious was trying to tell me something.  And I’m pretty sure that what it was trying to tell me, I already know.

We were out doing a group thing for some sort of holiday or something, and my grandmother got it into her head to go camping after, like everyone did last time (when I apparently wasn’t invited or something, because I had no idea what had happened last time).  It sounded fun, until I learned that it was in Canada.  Which is well and good and all, exept I’ve got no passport, so guess who’s not going to Canada.  Grandma decided we should do something else, but then someone else who’s not even in my family hijacked the trip and took us up to the border anyway.  And I was screaming that I cannot go to Canada, and my sister was screaming that the kids she had with he were hers, and she couldn’t just take them to Canada.  And my mother was telling us both to shut up and grow up and just pretend we could, or some bullshit.  Which is funny on a meta level, because my mother is not even allowed in Canada.

So, we got to the border, and the other person (who I’m not really sure I want to name, because of reasons) threw the biggest bitch fit about how we were all abaonding them, and then… turned around and abandoned everyone so they could go sit in a Canadian bar.  And my mum was trying to get everyone else to cross the border (which involved wading across a small river, but there was border patrol on the other side?), and then we all started shouting at her.  And I threatened to walk back home if she didn’t just leave the other person and take the rest of us the hell home.  And my brother said he’d walk with me.  But no, that would be abandoning her.  And probably because of the whole not being allowed in Canada thing, my mum decided she was just gonna sit in the front off the van or whatever we were in, in the woods, in the cold, and let the other person just have their fun.  So I got out and started walking down the road, and lo! my brother had not followed, like the chode he is.  And I had no idea where I was going, so I picked a direction at random.  

At one point, I realised I was walking barefoot on black ice, and it was cold and awful, and I think I managed to lucid dream myself a pair of boots, but that was the end of that sort of thing.  Because then I was shouting at Siri to get me directions home, and he kept doing random internet searches instead.  And I was screaming and crying on the side of some road somewhere, and when he finally did get my directions, he was really snarky and rude about how long it would take to walk home.  Like, fuck you, Siri.  And then he did the thing that all of my walking dreams tend to do, and led me through a bunch of random houses, because that’s totally how directions work.  And they all kind of blended together, and I had to go through a maze to find the road again.

At one point, I found the house of someone who I think was supposed to be a friend, but I don’t remember who they were.  They offered me lunch, but not, like, a ride home.  So I had a sandwich, and started walking again, and once again wound up going through houses and back yards and shit.  Like, there was one point somewhere, where the walkways I had to take were these gravity-defying planks, and a flight of wooden stairs that had steps missing, and basically everything I’m terrified of.

Sometimes when I wake up mid-dream, I get sad that I wasn’t able to finish it.  That one was verging on nightmare, and it can go away now.

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